The Battle of Introvert misconceptions: Shyness and Leadership

There are many misconceptions about introverts, many of which drive me crazy. The first one right off the top of my head is shyness. Well, I'm sure there are shy introverts out there, however I do not believe that is the majority and certainly not me.

"Shyness (also called diffidence) is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is in proximity to other people. This commonly occurs in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness can be a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. Stronger forms of shyness are usually referred to as social anxiety or social phobia."-Wikipedia

I'm reaallly not shy, I actually enjoy meeting and socializing with new people, which is why I personally tend to gravitate to "serving" type jobs. Now there have been points in my life where my self-esteem was depleted and I became shy because I was not confident in my ability to strike up a descent conversation with strangers and keep it going. Yes, this introvert was shy then.
However, I have done Theater, I was a cheerleader in high school and work at a job where every minute Im doing face to face customer service. Hmmm I'm just not seeing shyness here...


Another assumption people just love to make is that an introvert could not possibly make great public speakers or be in a leadership position. Well, sorry everyone, this introvert can.
A couple of years ago I received that dreaded notice in the mail for "jury duty", however it has never been something for me to dread. (Except when my children were iddy biddys) I was excited and could NOT wait to go! I sat in a big meeting room with at least 100 other people and watched eagerly as they were called in by the chunk. When my group was finally called in and saw the seats for the jury I though to myself "Yes one of those are mine", I kept that thought in my head the whole time and it paid off because I was one of 11 jurors. Woot!
In this group everyone was at the very least 10 years older than I was; I was about 28. I held nothing back and made sure I spoke up constantly, after all, there was a victim depending on us. I dont remember how much time into it but eventually we were told we needed to pick a head juror to take charge in the juror room to keep things flowing. I certainly, not at all whatsoever even thought about myself for this position, however the other jurors saw differently and picked me. I assumed one of the older gentlemen would volunteer, nope...I did and do still consider the possibility that these older folks were looking at this seemingly naive, young lady and thought collectively without speaking "yes lets pawn this duty off on her so we don't have to fiddle with it". Basically I had to keep the details organized per the criteria of what is required by a juror in this particular case. If during the time of deliberation we are getting off task then I had to bring everyone back on task, if someone was confused by a particular details then I lead the discussion in breaking up that detail so that it could be better understood. I think the one thing that shocked me at the time and still slightly does even now was how I was able to take command and be listened to by people who were 10 to 25 years older than myself.
After the trial was done, I had several of the jurors approach me with business cards and business opportunities. So, in my opinion, in my case, I believe that this little nifty life experience of mine proves that an introvert has potential to be a good leader.









1. Why are you so quiet? Oh yeah? Well why are you always rolling around yapping your pie hole and acting like gorilla all the time. Getting asked why introverts are “so quiet” is really annoying, but it just underscores how much value people place on talking and filling up the air with meaningless sound.

2. You must not but that smart — I mean, you never say anything in class. Introverts are quiet because we don’t find value in idle conversation, talking for the sake of talking. We may not raise our hands right away, but it doesn’t mean we’re not processing ideas in our own way. We have lots to say about stuff because we are always thinking.

3. You need to get out more. Extroverts think that introversion is something that can be fixed by simply throwing yourself out there, like maybe if you had three more Appletini’s than everybody else you’ll be cured once and for all. But going out more isn’t always the answer, especially when you can enjoy a nice quiet evening at home with your books or video games or Netflix or porn or whatever it is you like to enjoy.

4. Don’t worry about her/him. She/he’s just really shy. But being shy and being an introvert aren’t the same thing. Some introverts love going out and being social, but then we need some time to ourselves to regroup and to “come down” from the experience, so to speak. Getting out more isn’t the answer. You just need to accept the fact that sometimes we feel like being out and sometimes we don’t. No explanation needed.

5. SPEAK UP. No, you lean in and listen carefully to what we are saying.
6. Are you OK? Because introverts are often quiet and drawn into our own thoughts, extroverts think that we are always mad or upset or sad about something. But we are FINE!

7. Why do you hate people so much?

8. Do you have any friends? You’re always alone.

9. Are you mad at me? This one is slippery, because people do deal with being mad at someone in a variety of ways, including not talking to them. But in general, we’re not mad or upset, unless you’re feeling guilty because you know you did something wrong.

10. You’re going home already? We just got here!

11. You are so boring. Look, people enjoy different kinds of stimulation. If you want to be friends with or date someone who you think is “boring” because their lifestyle doesn’t match yours, then you should probably try harder to understand them or compromise with them at the very least. That or find somebody who matches your constantly riveting rhythm. TC mark