The Battle of Introvert misconceptions: Shyness and Leadership

There are many misconceptions about introverts, many of which drive me crazy. The first one right off the top of my head is shyness. Well, I'm sure there are shy introverts out there, however I do not believe that is the majority and certainly not me.

"Shyness (also called diffidence) is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is in proximity to other people. This commonly occurs in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness can be a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. Stronger forms of shyness are usually referred to as social anxiety or social phobia."-Wikipedia

I'm reaallly not shy, I actually enjoy meeting and socializing with new people, which is why I personally tend to gravitate to "serving" type jobs. Now there have been points in my life where my self-esteem was depleted and I became shy because I was not confident in my ability to strike up a descent conversation with strangers and keep it going. Yes, this introvert was shy then.
However, I have done Theater, I was a cheerleader in high school and work at a job where every minute Im doing face to face customer service. Hmmm I'm just not seeing shyness here...


Another assumption people just love to make is that an introvert could not possibly make great public speakers or be in a leadership position. Well, sorry everyone, this introvert can.
A couple of years ago I received that dreaded notice in the mail for "jury duty", however it has never been something for me to dread. (Except when my children were iddy biddys) I was excited and could NOT wait to go! I sat in a big meeting room with at least 100 other people and watched eagerly as they were called in by the chunk. When my group was finally called in and saw the seats for the jury I though to myself "Yes one of those are mine", I kept that thought in my head the whole time and it paid off because I was one of 11 jurors. Woot!
In this group everyone was at the very least 10 years older than I was; I was about 28. I held nothing back and made sure I spoke up constantly, after all, there was a victim depending on us. I dont remember how much time into it but eventually we were told we needed to pick a head juror to take charge in the juror room to keep things flowing. I certainly, not at all whatsoever even thought about myself for this position, however the other jurors saw differently and picked me. I assumed one of the older gentlemen would volunteer, nope...I did and do still consider the possibility that these older folks were looking at this seemingly naive, young lady and thought collectively without speaking "yes lets pawn this duty off on her so we don't have to fiddle with it". Basically I had to keep the details organized per the criteria of what is required by a juror in this particular case. If during the time of deliberation we are getting off task then I had to bring everyone back on task, if someone was confused by a particular details then I lead the discussion in breaking up that detail so that it could be better understood. I think the one thing that shocked me at the time and still slightly does even now was how I was able to take command and be listened to by people who were 10 to 25 years older than myself.
After the trial was done, I had several of the jurors approach me with business cards and business opportunities. So, in my opinion, in my case, I believe that this little nifty life experience of mine proves that an introvert has potential to be a good leader.









1. Why are you so quiet? Oh yeah? Well why are you always rolling around yapping your pie hole and acting like gorilla all the time. Getting asked why introverts are “so quiet” is really annoying, but it just underscores how much value people place on talking and filling up the air with meaningless sound.

2. You must not but that smart — I mean, you never say anything in class. Introverts are quiet because we don’t find value in idle conversation, talking for the sake of talking. We may not raise our hands right away, but it doesn’t mean we’re not processing ideas in our own way. We have lots to say about stuff because we are always thinking.

3. You need to get out more. Extroverts think that introversion is something that can be fixed by simply throwing yourself out there, like maybe if you had three more Appletini’s than everybody else you’ll be cured once and for all. But going out more isn’t always the answer, especially when you can enjoy a nice quiet evening at home with your books or video games or Netflix or porn or whatever it is you like to enjoy.

4. Don’t worry about her/him. She/he’s just really shy. But being shy and being an introvert aren’t the same thing. Some introverts love going out and being social, but then we need some time to ourselves to regroup and to “come down” from the experience, so to speak. Getting out more isn’t the answer. You just need to accept the fact that sometimes we feel like being out and sometimes we don’t. No explanation needed.

5. SPEAK UP. No, you lean in and listen carefully to what we are saying.
6. Are you OK? Because introverts are often quiet and drawn into our own thoughts, extroverts think that we are always mad or upset or sad about something. But we are FINE!

7. Why do you hate people so much?

8. Do you have any friends? You’re always alone.

9. Are you mad at me? This one is slippery, because people do deal with being mad at someone in a variety of ways, including not talking to them. But in general, we’re not mad or upset, unless you’re feeling guilty because you know you did something wrong.

10. You’re going home already? We just got here!

11. You are so boring. Look, people enjoy different kinds of stimulation. If you want to be friends with or date someone who you think is “boring” because their lifestyle doesn’t match yours, then you should probably try harder to understand them or compromise with them at the very least. That or find somebody who matches your constantly riveting rhythm. TC mark

Oh The Silly Things I Say.....Love is a Choice??

OOOOOOH I've had this statement "Love is a Choice" tumblin' around in my head for quite quite QUITE some time....Years.

I have been chewing on this thought since I read this book called "Love is a choice"; I dont remember toooo many details about it other than it was about dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships.

This book planted a seed in my brain.... Is Love a choice??

We alll know the fairy tales of "love at first sight", happily ever after.... Alll heart, Alll emotions.....Love at first sight means to me "no choice".... Yes, ok I can see that as I have experienced Love....

But I can not wholeheartedly agree with it. Its like someone tapping me on the shoulder constantly, consistently without fail, without skipping a damn beat and saying to me:

"That's not all, There's more to it, Keep thinking"
Ok so fine I started looking at "Love" and "Love is a choice" from my nerd/vulcan side of my brain cells. Hello Spock Hello Tuvock! Logically, No Heart, All Brains.... YES, OK I can see how that could work also.

However, again I just can't totally agree with it. And so tonight once again, despite how tired I am I'm pondering "Love is a choice" and then had the urge to write about it.

As of right now Ive come to this "Until further notice" conclusion.


Love IS a Choice, AND Love is NOT choice.
The part that is "NOT" a choice is the "love at first sight". I'm going to dare to say that when you meet someone you instantly know in your cells and soul that you Love this person. Its not something you can explain, its just there. It's what makes you smile constantly every time your "love interests" name is mentioned. ;) (sigh) oh Amor, so Sweet!

The part that IS a Choice is when you make the decision to keep that "love seed" planted and you make the choice to "keep watering it". It's also a choice to kill the "love plant", however in different situations, you may not have a choice but to kill the "love plant" because of various external reasons..

Basically what I see in my brain is this....

"The heart" does the initial "not a choice" option For you, Then the brain follows up and works With the heart to keep the love going. :)



XOXOXOXOXOXO

Oh the silly things I say....... Life Balance Recovery Analogy

Finding a Balance is like "tight rope" walking..... Takes A TON of practice, over and over and over again, every day minute of every day..But ;)once you have it, its easy.....
You may still wiggle a bit while on the tight rope walk of life, we all do, but once you "have it", the recovery back to center balance is easier.

Oh the silly things I say...... Introversion

I have the ability to walk into a crowded room full of people and be super social without a problem. I wont have any fear about what so ever. However, there are times where Im just not in the damn mood. I struggled with this for a long time because I LOVE People. All of them, and the uniqueness that comes with it. Throughout my life so far I noticed a vast majority of people can seem to always always go go go go on the social/work scene. I was jealous and fricken amazed. I went nutso trying to figure out why in the hell I couldnt "hang" with the rest of them. Even growing up, as a child when you're supposed to have a ton of energy to go go go all day playing, I couldnt... I remember constantly all day long every 2 hours coming inside to zone out to my nintendo. In high school after the Football games ( I was a cheerleader ) while everyone was pumped up and so ready to hit the town and par-tay, I was ready to eat some dinner and go to bed. I made it as far as Denny's those nights and couldnt wait to go home. As an adult my friends called me the "Old Lady" because during group parties, while my Ex the Extrovert was ready to go allllll fricken night long, I was ready to go to bed half way through the night. Truly a bummer, I hated it.

Now, I have a job again (server at a great restaurant), three children and two dogs; the best part is I'm not dropping dead tired. woot woot! I started to research about Introverts and the first difference I read about was how Introverts recharge their energy verses Extroverts recharging. Eureka! It totally clicked in me, this was the reason why I was labeled the old lady and why I needed my zone out nintendo time and or Nickelodeon time and head in head phone in my teen age years, I'm literally being drained every moment I am out there being social. This had actually filled A LOT of "whys" in my life. I was seriously thinking I was damaged/broken or had some severe mental illness. LOL

Knowing this has made my days a little easier. Even how I get ready for work is different. I'm completely allowed to take all the fricken time I need to get ready. I never realized how much I used the time I "get ready to go out" as a "recharge tool". I throw my head in head phones, play whatever the hell I want, think about anything deep or shallow, by the time I get to work "My tank" is full and I'm so ready to go. This has affected my tips in a GREAT way. Now that I'm charged up going into work I can think clearly and have a goal in mind to chit chat in a modest innocent flirt like fashion to all my customers. Tips now compared to about 10 years ago are vastly different, I was grumpy at work back then and I barely made anything. I complained constantly and I know I had a "sour face" going to my tables. But, now, I feel refreshed.


YEA BABY!

Natasha Bedingfield - Pocket full of Sunshine

The Animals - House of the Rising Sun

Dido - White Flag

Ingrid Michaelson - Take Me The Way I Am

Journey to Balance

Get to know God means getting to know yourself = Get to know yourself means getting to know God

Whichever path you choose the ending is still the same, You will, if you choose to, get to Know yourself, and You Will get to Know God... IF YOU CHOOSE TO. Choice. Free Will. You, Yourself have to make the choice to get to know God and get to know yourself whichever order it comes, it Will come.

Just like you have the Choice to only get to know yourself then STOP, (yes that choice is possible peeps), HOWEVER you Will remain in an unbalanced state. Period.

Knowing yourself is knowing your "in this world" physical body ONLY. BUT, We are not just made of a physical body are we?? We are made of stuff we cannot see as well. And just because we cannot see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, it does and it needs nourishment.

God is within all of us people, whether you choose to believe it or not. So if you only get to know your physical body and choose to ignore the God within us, then you are making the choice to only fill your life's cup half full.


I make the choice to be FULL.


Period.

Joe Crocker - Feelin' Alright

Yes gotta have some Joe Crocker on this blog.... Enjoy!

Ultimate Collection

Led Zeppelin - Fool in the Rain

I absolutely love this song, I can listen to it over and over again. They just dont make music like this anymore. Love the classics! You know, a time when they actually used instruments and sounded wonderful LIVE. I miss hearing good live music and letting my ear wander to pick out each and every instrument. Now its electronic doo daads, I'm sure the electronic doo daads have their place, but geesh, lets not make every single song out now with the electronic doo daads. Seriously peeps!

In Through the Out Door

Beach Boys :) Wouldn't it be nice

The Very Best Of The Beach Boys: Sounds Of Summer

My Babies

The pain experienced from the absence of my children is faaaaaaaaaaaaar more painful than any stress that children could produce when they are present. My two older children are on the west coast right now having a ton of fun and Im super happy that they are being able to experience what they are experiencing, however, I MISS THEM BUNCHES!!! MWAH MISS YOUUUUUU!!!

My Audience

One of the coolest things on blogger that I enjoy soooo soo very much is the Audience stats. Shows me where my readers are, and Im sure some are bots as well, Im ok with that. However, if they are not bots I felt the urge to say Hello to everybody so
Hello of course to my United States readers xoxoxo
привет Privet to Russia!!
Hallo to Netherlands!!
G'day to Australia!!
Hello or Bonjour to Canada!!
Feel free to contact me anytime! ;)

"Oh the Silly things I say ".... LOVE II

Oooooh I was having another in my head thinking about Love moments while tuning out Monster's Inc for the 75 Billionth time. I saw this statement in my head and have been chewing on it for a while. I liked the statement so I texted it to myself so I wouldn't lose it. lol

"KNOW and LOVE YOURSELF FIRST before you start to Know and Love Another"

Yes, uh huh, shaking my head up and down totally agreeing. Im not saying Im the first person EVER to figure this out, and it's not the first time that this statement has come to me in my head while I was chilling in my head. However, Im at a point in my life where it really really meant something to me. And just wanted to put it out there in internet space so that maybe, JUST MAYBE someone, some day who is low and heart is sad will read this post and all of a sudden have their own understanding and/or epiphany about Love Can yea Dig it??!! :) ;P xoxoxo

The Reason

This Morning I had a realization. The reason why my Life has turned out the way it did, Im not talking about the choices I have made, Im talking about the root cause behind those choices I have made. Im talking about the reason why my heart was always sad and hurting everyday. The reason why is because I didnt see myself "Through Heaven's eyes", I didnt know the Creator/God/Allah/Alpha Omega/creator of allll the cosmos, and because I didnt know I couldnt see myself right and couldnt love myself. And so my heart hurt everyday. :(

Simply Madness

Dave Matthew's Band

Vince!!! AAAHH man I miss you! I really hope some day in our busy schedules we can hang out again :)

Ludovico Einaudi

I heard this beautiful song today on Pandora.com. I've listened to it a couple times already, its very soothing and relaxing to me

Dream State

Think the weather is getting to me, I need some sunlight. Feeling sorta "glass half empty" My dream state, god, has been unusually active these past two weeks. I dont remember too much when I wake up other than bits and pieces of visuals as well as the other stimulus from the other senses. One of the big things is that when Im in the dream, I am me but I am Not me. Its as though my soul, my spirit, is in someone else's body. However, Im watching through their eyes. Who ever it is, is going through their normal day to day activities while Im hanging out in their body watching as a spectator. One sensation is the weather I feel, It's kinda windy breezy, not too cold like winter in Ohio, but mild, maybe the temp is around 60 give or take. Visually skies are blue with patchy white clouds that have a hint of grey to them. One of my dreams I get the feeling as though Im in perhaps that persons back yard. Also there is a sense that they know Im there in with them.

Lady Antebellum

Taking it back a bit.....

Disney's "Hercules"