Jason Mraz - I Wont Give Up

Gotye

" Oh the Silly things I say " LOVE

Love is being absolutely at ease and comfortable to show someone your real you with all the negative traits, immature child side, the reeeal bitchy side, the "DUH DOH!!" side, as well as the positive and be equally at ease accepting all of your partner's  "sides" unconditionally with Grace, Love, Compassion and to be happy wholeheartedly to do so.....

By......MOI, little ol MOI

good grief, for reals, I'm a block head

hahahaha!
OK so seriously this whole self discovery,  learning life, changing my ways and perceptions is alot harder than I anticipated. When I think Ive turned a corner and have something accomplished, I find out that I turned a corner to an exact replica of the corner I was previously on. So, I am told that I am my own obstacle. Oye, thats awesome. It feels like writers block when it comes to life in general. Have I been so burdened to over stimulation, fighting and being repressed that that part of my brain is now burnt out and dead. How is it that I have such a hard time thinking and making decisions? How is it that I have a hard time changing my perceptions and how I do things?
AAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG

my true purpose in life.......(smack!) take one

to find ones own purpose in life is very difficult. With my literal brain I search. I looked through books, I look through the internet. I look at lyrics in music, I look and look and look.
Learning that it is something that can't be found under a table, in a book, behind a tree, through conversation, but can only be found if I look inside myself. What am I all about?
Where in my mind body and soul can I find this answer. Does my brain have it, my heart, my soul, or a perfect combination of all three.
I sit here freeing my mind and letting my fingers do the walking and talking. Looking back constantly at what I write to find something new.
My purpose in life, to fill someones heart with joy and love to the point where they are laughing in tears and can then go on another day in this negative world. To help someone see the positive in every point of a situation regardless its the situation is good or bad. To do this unselfishly and unconditionally. To turn a frown upside down to those who need and want it.

With my coping mechanism for self preservation being in play for so long, I have a hard time finding my own life's purpose. The wicked thoughts in my head that only bring me down into thinking life has no true meaning, that I have no purpose in this world (nor the next for that matter), hinders me from seeing my inner light that shines like a beacon to my souls purpose here.
I can not rely on books, movies, documentaries nor reality shows to show me the way to my own purpose because they are only showing me someone else's vision and life's purpose. I can't copy them because I am not them.  Only in a rare occasion does one of those give me a glimpse into my life's purpose, or gives me an epiphany of some sort, but only then its on a small tiny scale and I see it only because my mind, body and soul recognizes it; then gives me a glimpse in a attempt to reach me, April. My mind body and soul have been trying to reach me for some time, but I shut them out only using my mind barely to get me through life at a minimal scale. My mind, body and soul have been forcefully disconnected from me for some time now. I'm sorry old friends, please come in and show me the way. I'm ready to see now, I want to see the light, I want to see April's light. It has been missing and nearly blocked for what seems an eternity. It's never too late, I refuse to believe it if someone tries to tell me that. Misery loves company, so if someone tries to tell me its too late, its only because they believed that lie and wants someone else to believe too. I'm not going to, why can't I be happy. What in the world did I do so wrong to possibly deserve this?? Nothing, I have my faults, lordy knows I do, but so faulty that I dont deserve happiness? or peace, serenity, love, acceptance...

FREEDOM! AMEN PEOPLE!!!

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought"~ From my sister's Jackie Facebook post




Casting Crowns "Voice of Truth"
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth 

Oh the Silly things I say..Stories of a Mind Wanderer

LOL
I know I say alot of silly things that might make me look: naive, immature, not the brightest bulb in the box, not with it, etc etc, pick one alright it wont offend me in any way shape or form.


With that being said I'd like to explain something to everyone...:) Believe me or not..Have an opinion or not... It's perfectly fine with me as many of you who are near and dear to me know the changes I have been going through.

I'm pretty damn with it ya'll, sorry, hate to break it to yea...Most of the time I say"off the wall" things that may not make sense, but is said with a purpose that if most of the people in this world would stop acting like they are "OF this world" and more like "NOT of this world" would understand me perfectly.
Now let me clear up something about that last part. First off I know the 'of this world' and 'not of this world' phrase is associated with religion, and that is not the label I am going for here. I think I am mainly talking about this mind set that the most of the inhabitants of this world have fallen into. The mediocre drive, need for instant gratification, low tolerance for what Randy calls the "Waa Waa" factor, lazy, procrastinating, "not my job description", mind set that goes no where.  And what's Sad as hell is that it's a Choice to be and remain there. Holy Shiskies! That scares me when I look around these days. And I'm not being hypocritical mind you, because I was like that and am still shedding that damn mind set.....

I get it.....I can see..... so when I say something off the wall, naive, silly, nonsense, immature yadda yadda, It's not because I'm just saying it to hear myself speak, I have a purpose behind it, whether it be to joke around to lighten up someones day, to point something out differently, to even maybe say something out loud to myself for a better understanding and maybe not meant to be heard by someone in the room..................

NOW, the topic of my "timing" of these things in certain social situation is still a work in progress. LOL LOL LOL