Relationship with God

Relationship with God The Creator of all the elements on the Periodic Table that make up Everything in this universe and space is not totally about going to a church. It is incredibly hard to believe in God because we get made fun of or mocked. But once you have your own personal tailored made relationship with God, which is Love, you will have the internal strength to withstand the mocking.

Whether we believe in God or not, God is in every part of our body. God is in our cells and Atoms and everything we Can Not see that is Gigantic and micro small. Those of us who "claim" to not believe always end up saying at some point "what if Im wrong" and that's because deep in your heart you know there is something more out there that is a higher power. Its your heart, where God lives primarily and speaks through, that is trying to tell you that yes "I AM" here. If you just be still and listen, look around, look into your heart, you'll find God. God is that driving force that nudges at you to do the right thing out of Love. Because in the End its Gods "Love", That "Energy" that created you and Everything that we know.

But people always ask, "Well if theres a God why do so many bad things happen in this world."

Well for one thing Each and Every single one of us has this thing called "Free Will", Its a God given right to have Free Will. When we make the choice against Love there are always consequences, sometimes these consequences dont happen right away in the physical, but they happen eventually in some way shape or form. Those who go against "Gods Love" and do what they know is completely opposite of Gods Love, know it in their deepest spaces of their heart and it just EATS at them. It EATS at them till they die if they dont Right that Wrong and apologize and MEAN IT!! In the end, that space in your heart, that deeeeeep space where God resides in All of us, where you keep your Deepest Darkest secrets that EAT at you till the end is what Judges you. That is what determines IF you to go to your "Heaven" of Peace, or to your "Hell" of chaos and pain. Always do the Right Loving thing no matter what. Any and all crap you have in that space thats eats at you needs to be brought out into the Light and made right so that you can find your own personal peace and heaven in the end.

If God is our life coach; Our teacher in this world that lives in each of us individually and speaks to us individually then the Bible is a text book like what you find in a classroom....And think of a church like a Classroom.

People say "oh that Bible is full of contradictions"

Yes it appears that way to someone who actually doesnt know what the Bible is all about. First of all you have to remember that Each Book in the Bible is A HUMAN account of the world around them, Their own personal Lessons, and Their own personal relationship with God that is Tailor made Just for Them. Look at alllll the Books and you see A lot Of Humans who have made LOTS of MISTAKES. Big Ones, Little Ones etc! Once these people realized what they have done, which is go against the over all "Love" message of God, They in their own personal way "apologize" and then do Right by Gods Love.

Another thing you have to realize is that these people also "learn as they go" as well. Just like we do today, from Children all the way up to old age. We learn as we go, our lessons evolve, our views evolve, and if we wrote our own book of lifes lessons it would look contradictory as well. However the contradictions may go, there are still valuable life lessons in it that shouldnt be ignored.

Jesus, and other prophets of the world, came here to be a human Example of God's Love and what God actually wants for us. The lessons they were trying to be an example of is the over all lesson of loving each other. They did nothing but Love. Why wouldnt you Want to follow that example?

If you were walking down the street and saw someone expressing Love in some way shape or form. Whether its giving someone in need, or not feeding into a fight, would you make fun of them or Mock them?? Im guessing you wouldnt, you would probably be inspired to do the Right thing as well. So why would you make fun or Mock someone in History who was only expressing Love?

It is never too late, you are never "too broken", you've never made too many mistakes, to form your own personal relationship with the Creator of the cosmos. Love yourself enough to listen to your heart where God lives and LOVES you!!

Different kinds of Love

There are different types of love in this world.

We have Love for our friends, Love for our partners, Love for our children.

And we have Agape Love.

Agape Love is a Greek word and by simple definition is a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible.

When you have this kind of Love you know it deep within your soul. It's completely unconditional and there are No LABELS, AND NO EXPECTATIONS. There is only Love.

No matter what has happened, No matter the mistakes, No matter how a person has lived their life. Agape Love sees past that and Loves and Serves always.

I have blogged in the recent past about Love and about pain in my life. And I know it has brought some confusion to some wondering, "What in the world is this all about?!"

Its about my Agape Love, My unconditional Love, and this person is dying.

Yes I had plans, I had plans for my companion and I to travel and to serve other people as we had served each other in Agape Love. He is near and dear to me, One of my best friends who has been there behind the curtains of my life in secret always supporting me in anyways he could. He saw through any and all of my mistakes I had done in the past, and I saw through his. We saw each other for what we were. Loving souls.

Think about your Loves in your lives. Think about how you love them.

Do you place expectations on them? Expectations that you have no business putting on them in the first place?
Do you serve them? Im not talking about serving them food either!
Do you speak positively about them, praise them, support them, lift them up?
Do you understand that no one is perfect and we all have made mistakes?
Do you understand we are not supposed to judge people? Its not our place..

Do You understand Agape Love?

Serving

Our purpose in this life is to Serve each other in anyway we can. We are not supposed to only serve ourselves and our own needs. We are supposed to give what we have and our time. We are supposed to help each other. Whether its a coworker, your partner, your wife or husband, your friend; you are supposed to serve each other and help each other.  You are supposed to submit to each other and lift each other up without having any expectations in return.

Im NOT talking about being a slave. Im not talking about serving while someone is coming down on you and criticizing every move you make or berating you if you make a mistake. Please do not mistake what I am saying. But certainly serve those who you are lead to serve and submit to.

Parents serve your children.
Husbands serve you Wives, and Wives serve your Husbands.
Coworkers serve each other
Managers and Owners of businesses, Serve those in your business.

Serve those who are below you, Serve those who are next to you, and Serve those who are above you.

Serve with Love, Serve without expectation of Anything in return.

Serving without conditions, without expectations, is the only way to be happy and to stay happy. This is the concept that was naturally put into us the day we were created by God.

Bittersweet Love

Do you know what it's like to Love completely? To be completely "in love with someone"
Have you ever had the ongoing fire and desire to let him know every single day for years and years.....
How much you love him and
How much she means to you and
How much you appreciate him.

Have you ever been in complete love with someone that you accept all that they are, negative and positive. You accept who they are because of Love, and Real Love is a healthy acceptance.

To be completely in love is to feel his pain like your own and you are happy to do it. Real Love is the fuel, the energy to keep going.

To be in complete love is being grateful for every moment you have with him.

Real Love is painfully Beautiful

Real Love is feeling pain in your heart, and lump in your throat at the very thought of possibly betraying your Loves trust.

REAL LOVE is The Way, The Truth, The Life

REAL LOVE is how it's suppose to be.

Thinking of You

I have felt so lost

I have felt so stagnate

I have a felt a part of me, on hold with purpose

as we physically drifted away

I feel so lost

I feel so stagnate

The worst it has ever been

as he fades away

I feel so numb

I feel time passing as a blur

Journey's destination slowly painfully disappearing

Walking my path I involuntarily come to a stop

Oh The Silly Things I Say.....Love is a Choice??

OOOOOOH I've had this statement "Love is a Choice" tumblin' around in my head for quite quite QUITE some time....Years.

I have been chewing on this thought since I read this book called "Love is a choice"; I dont remember toooo many details about it other than it was about dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships.

This book planted a seed in my brain.... Is Love a choice??

We alll know the fairy tales of "love at first sight", happily ever after.... Alll heart, Alll emotions.....Love at first sight means to me "no choice".... Yes, ok I can see that as I have experienced Love....

But I can not wholeheartedly agree with it. Its like someone tapping me on the shoulder constantly, consistently without fail, without skipping a damn beat and saying to me:

"That's not all, There's more to it, Keep thinking"
Ok so fine I started looking at "Love" and "Love is a choice" from my nerd/vulcan side of my brain cells. Hello Spock Hello Tuvock! Logically, No Heart, All Brains.... YES, OK I can see how that could work also.

However, again I just can't totally agree with it. And so tonight once again, despite how tired I am I'm pondering "Love is a choice" and then had the urge to write about it.

As of right now Ive come to this "Until further notice" conclusion.


Love IS a Choice, AND Love is NOT choice.
The part that is "NOT" a choice is the "love at first sight". I'm going to dare to say that when you meet someone you instantly know in your cells and soul that you Love this person. Its not something you can explain, its just there. It's what makes you smile constantly every time your "love interests" name is mentioned. ;) (sigh) oh Amor, so Sweet!

The part that IS a Choice is when you make the decision to keep that "love seed" planted and you make the choice to "keep watering it". It's also a choice to kill the "love plant", however in different situations, you may not have a choice but to kill the "love plant" because of various external reasons..

Basically what I see in my brain is this....

"The heart" does the initial "not a choice" option For you, Then the brain follows up and works With the heart to keep the love going. :)



XOXOXOXOXOXO

Oh the silly things I say....... Life Balance Recovery Analogy

Finding a Balance is like "tight rope" walking..... Takes A TON of practice, over and over and over again, every day minute of every day..But ;)once you have it, its easy.....
You may still wiggle a bit while on the tight rope walk of life, we all do, but once you "have it", the recovery back to center balance is easier.

Oh the silly things I say...... Introversion

I have the ability to walk into a crowded room full of people and be super social without a problem. I wont have any fear about what so ever. However, there are times where Im just not in the damn mood. I struggled with this for a long time because I LOVE People. All of them, and the uniqueness that comes with it. Throughout my life so far I noticed a vast majority of people can seem to always always go go go go on the social/work scene. I was jealous and fricken amazed. I went nutso trying to figure out why in the hell I couldnt "hang" with the rest of them. Even growing up, as a child when you're supposed to have a ton of energy to go go go all day playing, I couldnt... I remember constantly all day long every 2 hours coming inside to zone out to my nintendo. In high school after the Football games ( I was a cheerleader ) while everyone was pumped up and so ready to hit the town and par-tay, I was ready to eat some dinner and go to bed. I made it as far as Denny's those nights and couldnt wait to go home. As an adult my friends called me the "Old Lady" because during group parties, while my Ex the Extrovert was ready to go allllll fricken night long, I was ready to go to bed half way through the night. Truly a bummer, I hated it.

Now, I have a job again (server at a great restaurant), three children and two dogs; the best part is I'm not dropping dead tired. woot woot! I started to research about Introverts and the first difference I read about was how Introverts recharge their energy verses Extroverts recharging. Eureka! It totally clicked in me, this was the reason why I was labeled the old lady and why I needed my zone out nintendo time and or Nickelodeon time and head in head phone in my teen age years, I'm literally being drained every moment I am out there being social. This had actually filled A LOT of "whys" in my life. I was seriously thinking I was damaged/broken or had some severe mental illness. LOL

Knowing this has made my days a little easier. Even how I get ready for work is different. I'm completely allowed to take all the fricken time I need to get ready. I never realized how much I used the time I "get ready to go out" as a "recharge tool". I throw my head in head phones, play whatever the hell I want, think about anything deep or shallow, by the time I get to work "My tank" is full and I'm so ready to go. This has affected my tips in a GREAT way. Now that I'm charged up going into work I can think clearly and have a goal in mind to chit chat in a modest innocent flirt like fashion to all my customers. Tips now compared to about 10 years ago are vastly different, I was grumpy at work back then and I barely made anything. I complained constantly and I know I had a "sour face" going to my tables. But, now, I feel refreshed.


YEA BABY!

Journey to Balance

Get to know God means getting to know yourself = Get to know yourself means getting to know God

Whichever path you choose the ending is still the same, You will, if you choose to, get to Know yourself, and You Will get to Know God... IF YOU CHOOSE TO. Choice. Free Will. You, Yourself have to make the choice to get to know God and get to know yourself whichever order it comes, it Will come.

Just like you have the Choice to only get to know yourself then STOP, (yes that choice is possible peeps), HOWEVER you Will remain in an unbalanced state. Period.

Knowing yourself is knowing your "in this world" physical body ONLY. BUT, We are not just made of a physical body are we?? We are made of stuff we cannot see as well. And just because we cannot see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, it does and it needs nourishment.

God is within all of us people, whether you choose to believe it or not. So if you only get to know your physical body and choose to ignore the God within us, then you are making the choice to only fill your life's cup half full.


I make the choice to be FULL.


Period.

My Babies

The pain experienced from the absence of my children is faaaaaaaaaaaaar more painful than any stress that children could produce when they are present. My two older children are on the west coast right now having a ton of fun and Im super happy that they are being able to experience what they are experiencing, however, I MISS THEM BUNCHES!!! MWAH MISS YOUUUUUU!!!

My Audience

One of the coolest things on blogger that I enjoy soooo soo very much is the Audience stats. Shows me where my readers are, and Im sure some are bots as well, Im ok with that. However, if they are not bots I felt the urge to say Hello to everybody so
Hello of course to my United States readers xoxoxo
привет Privet to Russia!!
Hallo to Netherlands!!
G'day to Australia!!
Hello or Bonjour to Canada!!
Feel free to contact me anytime! ;)

"Oh the Silly things I say ".... LOVE II

Oooooh I was having another in my head thinking about Love moments while tuning out Monster's Inc for the 75 Billionth time. I saw this statement in my head and have been chewing on it for a while. I liked the statement so I texted it to myself so I wouldn't lose it. lol

"KNOW and LOVE YOURSELF FIRST before you start to Know and Love Another"

Yes, uh huh, shaking my head up and down totally agreeing. Im not saying Im the first person EVER to figure this out, and it's not the first time that this statement has come to me in my head while I was chilling in my head. However, Im at a point in my life where it really really meant something to me. And just wanted to put it out there in internet space so that maybe, JUST MAYBE someone, some day who is low and heart is sad will read this post and all of a sudden have their own understanding and/or epiphany about Love Can yea Dig it??!! :) ;P xoxoxo

The Reason

This Morning I had a realization. The reason why my Life has turned out the way it did, Im not talking about the choices I have made, Im talking about the root cause behind those choices I have made. Im talking about the reason why my heart was always sad and hurting everyday. The reason why is because I didnt see myself "Through Heaven's eyes", I didnt know the Creator/God/Allah/Alpha Omega/creator of allll the cosmos, and because I didnt know I couldnt see myself right and couldnt love myself. And so my heart hurt everyday. :(

Dream State

Think the weather is getting to me, I need some sunlight. Feeling sorta "glass half empty" My dream state, god, has been unusually active these past two weeks. I dont remember too much when I wake up other than bits and pieces of visuals as well as the other stimulus from the other senses. One of the big things is that when Im in the dream, I am me but I am Not me. Its as though my soul, my spirit, is in someone else's body. However, Im watching through their eyes. Who ever it is, is going through their normal day to day activities while Im hanging out in their body watching as a spectator. One sensation is the weather I feel, It's kinda windy breezy, not too cold like winter in Ohio, but mild, maybe the temp is around 60 give or take. Visually skies are blue with patchy white clouds that have a hint of grey to them. One of my dreams I get the feeling as though Im in perhaps that persons back yard. Also there is a sense that they know Im there in with them.

" Oh the Silly things I say " LOVE

Love is being absolutely at ease and comfortable to show someone your real you with all the negative traits, immature child side, the reeeal bitchy side, the "DUH DOH!!" side, as well as the positive and be equally at ease accepting all of your partner's  "sides" unconditionally with Grace, Love, Compassion and to be happy wholeheartedly to do so.....

By......MOI, little ol MOI

good grief, for reals, I'm a block head

hahahaha!
OK so seriously this whole self discovery,  learning life, changing my ways and perceptions is alot harder than I anticipated. When I think Ive turned a corner and have something accomplished, I find out that I turned a corner to an exact replica of the corner I was previously on. So, I am told that I am my own obstacle. Oye, thats awesome. It feels like writers block when it comes to life in general. Have I been so burdened to over stimulation, fighting and being repressed that that part of my brain is now burnt out and dead. How is it that I have such a hard time thinking and making decisions? How is it that I have a hard time changing my perceptions and how I do things?
AAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG

my true purpose in life.......(smack!) take one

to find ones own purpose in life is very difficult. With my literal brain I search. I looked through books, I look through the internet. I look at lyrics in music, I look and look and look.
Learning that it is something that can't be found under a table, in a book, behind a tree, through conversation, but can only be found if I look inside myself. What am I all about?
Where in my mind body and soul can I find this answer. Does my brain have it, my heart, my soul, or a perfect combination of all three.
I sit here freeing my mind and letting my fingers do the walking and talking. Looking back constantly at what I write to find something new.
My purpose in life, to fill someones heart with joy and love to the point where they are laughing in tears and can then go on another day in this negative world. To help someone see the positive in every point of a situation regardless its the situation is good or bad. To do this unselfishly and unconditionally. To turn a frown upside down to those who need and want it.

With my coping mechanism for self preservation being in play for so long, I have a hard time finding my own life's purpose. The wicked thoughts in my head that only bring me down into thinking life has no true meaning, that I have no purpose in this world (nor the next for that matter), hinders me from seeing my inner light that shines like a beacon to my souls purpose here.
I can not rely on books, movies, documentaries nor reality shows to show me the way to my own purpose because they are only showing me someone else's vision and life's purpose. I can't copy them because I am not them.  Only in a rare occasion does one of those give me a glimpse into my life's purpose, or gives me an epiphany of some sort, but only then its on a small tiny scale and I see it only because my mind, body and soul recognizes it; then gives me a glimpse in a attempt to reach me, April. My mind body and soul have been trying to reach me for some time, but I shut them out only using my mind barely to get me through life at a minimal scale. My mind, body and soul have been forcefully disconnected from me for some time now. I'm sorry old friends, please come in and show me the way. I'm ready to see now, I want to see the light, I want to see April's light. It has been missing and nearly blocked for what seems an eternity. It's never too late, I refuse to believe it if someone tries to tell me that. Misery loves company, so if someone tries to tell me its too late, its only because they believed that lie and wants someone else to believe too. I'm not going to, why can't I be happy. What in the world did I do so wrong to possibly deserve this?? Nothing, I have my faults, lordy knows I do, but so faulty that I dont deserve happiness? or peace, serenity, love, acceptance...

FREEDOM! AMEN PEOPLE!!!

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought"~ From my sister's Jackie Facebook post




Casting Crowns "Voice of Truth"
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth 

Oh the Silly things I say..Stories of a Mind Wanderer

LOL
I know I say alot of silly things that might make me look: naive, immature, not the brightest bulb in the box, not with it, etc etc, pick one alright it wont offend me in any way shape or form.


With that being said I'd like to explain something to everyone...:) Believe me or not..Have an opinion or not... It's perfectly fine with me as many of you who are near and dear to me know the changes I have been going through.

I'm pretty damn with it ya'll, sorry, hate to break it to yea...Most of the time I say"off the wall" things that may not make sense, but is said with a purpose that if most of the people in this world would stop acting like they are "OF this world" and more like "NOT of this world" would understand me perfectly.
Now let me clear up something about that last part. First off I know the 'of this world' and 'not of this world' phrase is associated with religion, and that is not the label I am going for here. I think I am mainly talking about this mind set that the most of the inhabitants of this world have fallen into. The mediocre drive, need for instant gratification, low tolerance for what Randy calls the "Waa Waa" factor, lazy, procrastinating, "not my job description", mind set that goes no where.  And what's Sad as hell is that it's a Choice to be and remain there. Holy Shiskies! That scares me when I look around these days. And I'm not being hypocritical mind you, because I was like that and am still shedding that damn mind set.....

I get it.....I can see..... so when I say something off the wall, naive, silly, nonsense, immature yadda yadda, It's not because I'm just saying it to hear myself speak, I have a purpose behind it, whether it be to joke around to lighten up someones day, to point something out differently, to even maybe say something out loud to myself for a better understanding and maybe not meant to be heard by someone in the room..................

NOW, the topic of my "timing" of these things in certain social situation is still a work in progress. LOL LOL LOL

Growth

I feel like I've entered a new phase in my life. A different level of growth and awareness. And I feel so very much alone. What are you supposed to do when the other people around you that you do care about or so stuck and refuse or can't grow. As it is the vast vast majority of the population is stuck, and the very few have to deal with them. And its so frustrating. Its a constant conflict. Why dont people understand a true connection, or understand that a husband and wife can still have their own thing and their own friends, same sex or opposite, and just BE. Just be themselves. Why can't they be a unit as well as a separate entity...