Wednesday, September 9, 2020

"Be anxious for nothing"

Novemeber 2016, right around my birthday I found out that I qualified for my first car loan. The cutest little Honda Civic. I LOVE my little Honda. 

I know most people will think nothing of this because of my age.
Let me be clear. This is my first car loan, on my own, my own money, my own credit, since probably around before the time I was Married! My first car was a toyota tercel that my Ex husband co signed with me on. A VERY LONG TIME AGO! I believe it was before I was even able to legally drink. 

 Summer of 2016 I was going out to hang out with a friend and on my way there I got into an accident and totaled my van. My van was a big deal to me as well because it was the first car I bought for myself in cash since 1998. I LOVED my van and it fit my whole family and then some..However it was really expensive to fill with gas. Which is the reason why I started to look at much smaller vehicles since technically I rarely transport my family all together anyways. And if I do its only a in town drive. No biggie. 

I was already working on rebuilding my credit since my divorce. I finally qualified for a small credit card and had a steady job that I had no intent on quitting at all in the near future. ( I honestly can say I love the place I work at )

I looked and researched what I wanted and decided an used Honda Civic was right for me. My Honda was at the time 10 years old and less than 95,000 miles. Very well maintained and in my price range. All I needed was a loan...I decided on ONE place to apply. I went in with Everything I thought I needed, and applied. The response was not instantaneous. I had to wait. Something you'd think at that point I would be good at but can't say I enjoyed that part at all....I can say I'm grateful for patience but don't enjoy it all that much. Just not a fan yet. 
However, I can do it because I do VERY much enjoy the fruits of my patience. 
One day I was REALLY reaching my limits of my patience.  I Really wanted to keep calling the creditor asking if they reached a decision yet on my application..But I resisited....

sucked.

I forgot what I was doing that moment but I looked down at my pen and read what was on it. It was a simply "clicky" black pen with writing on it that said
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God"

At that point I felt relaxed and at peace. I didn't feel the need to stress about when I was going to find out if I qualified. Then, on my birthday I found out. I got my loan and I was able to pick up my little car. Happy Birthday to me. This experience will stick with me forever. 


Friday, August 7, 2015

Relationship with God

Relationship with God The Creator of all the elements on the Periodic Table that make up Everything in this universe and space is not totally about going to a church. It is incredibly hard to believe in God because we get made fun of or mocked. But once you have your own personal tailored made relationship with God, which is Love, you will have the internal strength to withstand the mocking.

Whether we believe in God or not, God is in every part of our body. God is in our cells and Atoms and everything we Can Not see that is Gigantic and micro small. Those of us who "claim" to not believe always end up saying at some point "what if Im wrong" and that's because deep in your heart you know there is something more out there that is a higher power. Its your heart, where God lives primarily and speaks through, that is trying to tell you that yes "I AM" here. If you just be still and listen, look around, look into your heart, you'll find God. God is that driving force that nudges at you to do the right thing out of Love. Because in the End its Gods "Love", That "Energy" that created you and Everything that we know.

But people always ask, "Well if theres a God why do so many bad things happen in this world."

Well for one thing Each and Every single one of us has this thing called "Free Will", Its a God given right to have Free Will. When we make the choice against Love there are always consequences, sometimes these consequences dont happen right away in the physical, but they happen eventually in some way shape or form. Those who go against "Gods Love" and do what they know is completely opposite of Gods Love, know it in their deepest spaces of their heart and it just EATS at them. It EATS at them till they die if they dont Right that Wrong and apologize and MEAN IT!! In the end, that space in your heart, that deeeeeep space where God resides in All of us, where you keep your Deepest Darkest secrets that EAT at you till the end is what Judges you. That is what determines IF you to go to your "Heaven" of Peace, or to your "Hell" of chaos and pain. Always do the Right Loving thing no matter what. Any and all crap you have in that space thats eats at you needs to be brought out into the Light and made right so that you can find your own personal peace and heaven in the end.

If God is our life coach; Our teacher in this world that lives in each of us individually and speaks to us individually then the Bible is a text book like what you find in a classroom....And think of a church like a Classroom.

People say "oh that Bible is full of contradictions"

Yes it appears that way to someone who actually doesnt know what the Bible is all about. First of all you have to remember that Each Book in the Bible is A HUMAN account of the world around them, Their own personal Lessons, and Their own personal relationship with God that is Tailor made Just for Them. Look at alllll the Books and you see A lot Of Humans who have made LOTS of MISTAKES. Big Ones, Little Ones etc! Once these people realized what they have done, which is go against the over all "Love" message of God, They in their own personal way "apologize" and then do Right by Gods Love.

Another thing you have to realize is that these people also "learn as they go" as well. Just like we do today, from Children all the way up to old age. We learn as we go, our lessons evolve, our views evolve, and if we wrote our own book of lifes lessons it would look contradictory as well. However the contradictions may go, there are still valuable life lessons in it that shouldnt be ignored.

Jesus, and other prophets of the world, came here to be a human Example of God's Love and what God actually wants for us. The lessons they were trying to be an example of is the over all lesson of loving each other. They did nothing but Love. Why wouldnt you Want to follow that example?

If you were walking down the street and saw someone expressing Love in some way shape or form. Whether its giving someone in need, or not feeding into a fight, would you make fun of them or Mock them?? Im guessing you wouldnt, you would probably be inspired to do the Right thing as well. So why would you make fun or Mock someone in History who was only expressing Love?

It is never too late, you are never "too broken", you've never made too many mistakes, to form your own personal relationship with the Creator of the cosmos. Love yourself enough to listen to your heart where God lives and LOVES you!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Different kinds of Love


There are different types of love in this world.

We have Love for our friends, Love for our partners, Love for our children.

And we have Agape Love.

Agape Love is a Greek word and by simple definition is a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible.

When you have this kind of Love you know it deep within your soul. It's completely unconditional and there are No LABELS, AND NO EXPECTATIONS. There is only Love.

No matter what has happened, No matter the mistakes, No matter how a person has lived their life. Agape Love sees past that and Loves and Serves always.

I have blogged in the recent past about Love and about pain in my life. And I know it has brought some confusion to some wondering, "What in the world is this all about?!"

Its about my Agape Love, My unconditional Love, and this person is dying.

Yes I had plans, I had plans for my companion and I to travel and to serve other people as we had served each other in Agape Love. He is near and dear to me, One of my best friends who has been there behind the curtains of my life in secret always supporting me in anyways he could. He saw through any and all of my mistakes I had done in the past, and I saw through his. We saw each other for what we were. Loving souls.

Think about your Loves in your lives. Think about how you love them.

Do you place expectations on them? Expectations that you have no business putting on them in the first place?
Do you serve them? Im not talking about serving them food either!
Do you speak positively about them, praise them, support them, lift them up?
Do you understand that no one is perfect and we all have made mistakes?
Do you understand we are not supposed to judge people? Its not our place..

Do You understand Agape Love?



Serving

Our purpose in this life is to Serve each other in anyway we can. We are not supposed to only serve ourselves and our own needs. We are supposed to give what we have and our time. We are supposed to help each other. Whether its a coworker, your partner, your wife or husband, your friend; you are supposed to serve each other and help each other.  You are supposed to submit to each other and lift each other up without having any expectations in return.

Im NOT talking about being a slave. Im not talking about serving while someone is coming down on you and criticizing every move you make or berating you if you make a mistake. Please do not mistake what I am saying. But certainly serve those who you are lead to serve and submit to.

Parents serve your children.
Husbands serve you Wives, and Wives serve your Husbands.
Coworkers serve each other
Managers and Owners of businesses, Serve those in your business.

Serve those who are below you, Serve those who are next to you, and Serve those who are above you.

Serve with Love, Serve without expectation of Anything in return.

Serving without conditions, without expectations, is the only way to be happy and to stay happy. This is the concept that was naturally put into us the day we were created by God.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Bittersweet Love

Do you know what it's like to Love completely? To be completely "in love with someone"
Have you ever had the ongoing fire and desire to let him know every single day for years and years.....
How much you love him and
How much she means to you and
How much you appreciate him.

Have you ever been in complete love with someone that you accept all that they are, negative and positive. You accept who they are because of Love, and Real Love is a healthy acceptance.

To be completely in love is to feel his pain like your own and you are happy to do it. Real Love is the fuel, the energy to keep going.

To be in complete love is being grateful for every moment you have with him.

Real Love is painfully Beautiful

Real Love is feeling pain in your heart, and lump in your throat at the very thought of possibly betraying your Loves trust.

REAL LOVE is The Way, The Truth, The Life

REAL LOVE is how it's suppose to be.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Thinking of You

I have felt so lost
I have felt so stagnate
I have a felt a part of me, on hold with purpose
as we physically drifted away

I feel so lost
I feel so stagnate
The worst it has ever been
as he fades away

I feel so numb
I feel time passing as a blur
Journey's destination slowly painfully disappearing
Walking my path I involuntarily come to a stop





Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Battle of Introvert misconceptions: Shyness and Leadership


There are many misconceptions about introverts, many of which drive me crazy. The first one right off the top of my head is shyness. Well, I'm sure there are shy introverts out there, however I do not believe that is the majority and certainly not me.

"Shyness (also called diffidence) is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is in proximity to other people. This commonly occurs in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness can be a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. Stronger forms of shyness are usually referred to as social anxiety or social phobia."-Wikipedia

I'm reaallly not shy, I actually enjoy meeting and socializing with new people, which is why I personally tend to gravitate to "serving" type jobs. Now there have been points in my life where my self-esteem was depleted and I became shy because I was not confident in my ability to strike up a descent conversation with strangers and keep it going. Yes, this introvert was shy then.
However, I have done Theater, I was a cheerleader in high school and work at a job where every minute Im doing face to face customer service. Hmmm I'm just not seeing shyness here...


Another assumption people just love to make is that an introvert could not possibly make great public speakers or be in a leadership position. Well, sorry everyone, this introvert can.
A couple of years ago I received that dreaded notice in the mail for "jury duty", however it has never been something for me to dread. (Except when my children were iddy biddys) I was excited and could NOT wait to go! I sat in a big meeting room with at least 100 other people and watched eagerly as they were called in by the chunk. When my group was finally called in and saw the seats for the jury I though to myself "Yes one of those are mine", I kept that thought in my head the whole time and it paid off because I was one of 11 jurors. Woot!
In this group everyone was at the very least 10 years older than I was; I was about 28. I held nothing back and made sure I spoke up constantly, after all, there was a victim depending on us. I dont remember how much time into it but eventually we were told we needed to pick a head juror to take charge in the juror room to keep things flowing. I certainly, not at all whatsoever even thought about myself for this position, however the other jurors saw differently and picked me. I assumed one of the older gentlemen would volunteer, nope...I did and do still consider the possibility that these older folks were looking at this seemingly naive, young lady and thought collectively without speaking "yes lets pawn this duty off on her so we don't have to fiddle with it". Basically I had to keep the details organized per the criteria of what is required by a juror in this particular case. If during the time of deliberation we are getting off task then I had to bring everyone back on task, if someone was confused by a particular details then I lead the discussion in breaking up that detail so that it could be better understood. I think the one thing that shocked me at the time and still slightly does even now was how I was able to take command and be listened to by people who were 10 to 25 years older than myself.
After the trial was done, I had several of the jurors approach me with business cards and business opportunities. So, in my opinion, in my case, I believe that this little nifty life experience of mine proves that an introvert has potential to be a good leader.









1. Why are you so quiet? Oh yeah? Well why are you always rolling around yapping your pie hole and acting like gorilla all the time. Getting asked why introverts are “so quiet” is really annoying, but it just underscores how much value people place on talking and filling up the air with meaningless sound.

2. You must not but that smart — I mean, you never say anything in class. Introverts are quiet because we don’t find value in idle conversation, talking for the sake of talking. We may not raise our hands right away, but it doesn’t mean we’re not processing ideas in our own way. We have lots to say about stuff because we are always thinking.

3. You need to get out more. Extroverts think that introversion is something that can be fixed by simply throwing yourself out there, like maybe if you had three more Appletini’s than everybody else you’ll be cured once and for all. But going out more isn’t always the answer, especially when you can enjoy a nice quiet evening at home with your books or video games or Netflix or porn or whatever it is you like to enjoy.

4. Don’t worry about her/him. She/he’s just really shy. But being shy and being an introvert aren’t the same thing. Some introverts love going out and being social, but then we need some time to ourselves to regroup and to “come down” from the experience, so to speak. Getting out more isn’t the answer. You just need to accept the fact that sometimes we feel like being out and sometimes we don’t. No explanation needed.

5. SPEAK UP. No, you lean in and listen carefully to what we are saying.
6. Are you OK? Because introverts are often quiet and drawn into our own thoughts, extroverts think that we are always mad or upset or sad about something. But we are FINE!

7. Why do you hate people so much?

8. Do you have any friends? You’re always alone.

9. Are you mad at me? This one is slippery, because people do deal with being mad at someone in a variety of ways, including not talking to them. But in general, we’re not mad or upset, unless you’re feeling guilty because you know you did something wrong.

10. You’re going home already? We just got here!

11. You are so boring. Look, people enjoy different kinds of stimulation. If you want to be friends with or date someone who you think is “boring” because their lifestyle doesn’t match yours, then you should probably try harder to understand them or compromise with them at the very least. That or find somebody who matches your constantly riveting rhythm. TC mark

Monday, September 23, 2013

Oh The Silly Things I Say.....Love is a Choice??




OOOOOOH I've had this statement "Love is a Choice" tumblin' around in my head for quite quite QUITE some time....Years.

I have been chewing on this thought since I read this book called "Love is a choice"; I dont remember toooo many details about it other than it was about dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships.

This book planted a seed in my brain.... Is Love a choice??

We alll know the fairy tales of "love at first sight", happily ever after.... Alll heart, Alll emotions.....Love at first sight means to me "no choice".... Yes, ok I can see that as I have experienced Love....

But I can not wholeheartedly agree with it. Its like someone tapping me on the shoulder constantly, consistently without fail, without skipping a damn beat and saying to me:

"That's not all, There's more to it, Keep thinking"

Ok so fine I started looking at "Love" and "Love is a choice" from my nerd/vulcan side of my brain cells. Hello Spock Hello Tuvock! Logically, No Heart, All Brains.... YES, OK I can see how that could work also.

However, again I just can't totally agree with it. And so tonight once again, despite how tired I am I'm pondering "Love is a choice" and then had the urge to write about it.

As of right now Ive come to this "Until further notice" conclusion.


Love IS a Choice, AND Love is NOT choice.

The part that is "NOT" a choice is the "love at first sight". I'm going to dare to say that when you meet someone you instantly know in your cells and soul that you Love this person. Its not something you can explain, its just there. It's what makes you smile constantly every time your "love interests" name is mentioned. ;) (sigh) oh Amor, so Sweet!

The part that IS a Choice is when you make the decision to keep that "love seed" planted and you make the choice to "keep watering it". It's also a choice to kill the "love plant", however in different situations, you may not have a choice but to kill the "love plant" because of various external reasons..

Basically what I see in my brain is this....

"The heart" does the initial "not a choice" option For you, Then the brain follows up and works With the heart to keep the love going. :)




XOXOXOXOXOXO

Monday, September 2, 2013

Oh the silly things I say....... Life Balance Recovery Analogy

Finding a Balance is like "tight rope" walking..... Takes A TON of practice, over and over and over again, every day minute of every day..But ;)once you have it, its easy.....
You may still wiggle a bit while on the tight rope walk of life, we all do, but once you "have it", the recovery back to center balance is easier.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Oh the silly things I say...... Introversion



I have the ability to walk into a crowded room full of people and be super social without a problem. I wont have any fear about what so ever. However, there are times where Im just not in the damn mood. I struggled with this for a long time because I LOVE People. All of them, and the uniqueness that comes with it. Throughout my life so far I noticed a vast majority of people can seem to always always go go go go on the social/work scene. I was jealous and fricken amazed. I went nutso trying to figure out why in the hell I couldnt "hang" with the rest of them. Even growing up, as a child when you're supposed to have a ton of energy to go go go all day playing, I couldnt... I remember constantly all day long every 2 hours coming inside to zone out to my nintendo. In high school after the Football games ( I was a cheerleader ) while everyone was pumped up and so ready to hit the town and par-tay, I was ready to eat some dinner and go to bed. I made it as far as Denny's those nights and couldnt wait to go home. As an adult my friends called me the "Old Lady" because during group parties, while my Ex the Extrovert was ready to go allllll fricken night long, I was ready to go to bed half way through the night. Truly a bummer, I hated it.

Now, I have a job again (server at a great restaurant), three children and two dogs; the best part is I'm not dropping dead tired. woot woot! I started to research about Introverts and the first difference I read about was how Introverts recharge their energy verses Extroverts recharging. Eureka! It totally clicked in me, this was the reason why I was labeled the old lady and why I needed my zone out nintendo time and or Nickelodeon time and head in head phone in my teen age years, I'm literally being drained every moment I am out there being social. This had actually filled A LOT of "whys" in my life. I was seriously thinking I was damaged/broken or had some severe mental illness. LOL

Knowing this has made my days a little easier. Even how I get ready for work is different. I'm completely allowed to take all the fricken time I need to get ready. I never realized how much I used the time I "get ready to go out" as a "recharge tool". I throw my head in head phones, play whatever the hell I want, think about anything deep or shallow, by the time I get to work "My tank" is full and I'm so ready to go. This has affected my tips in a GREAT way. Now that I'm charged up going into work I can think clearly and have a goal in mind to chit chat in a modest innocent flirt like fashion to all my customers. Tips now compared to about 10 years ago are vastly different, I was grumpy at work back then and I barely made anything. I complained constantly and I know I had a "sour face" going to my tables. But, now, I feel refreshed.


YEA BABY!


Monday, July 15, 2013

Journey to Balance

Get to know God means getting to know yourself = Get to know yourself means getting to know God

Whichever path you choose the ending is still the same, You will, if you choose to, get to Know yourself, and You Will get to Know God... IF YOU CHOOSE TO. Choice. Free Will. You, Yourself have to make the choice to get to know God and get to know yourself whichever order it comes, it Will come.

Just like you have the Choice to only get to know yourself then STOP, (yes that choice is possible peeps), HOWEVER you Will remain in an unbalanced state. Period.

Knowing yourself is knowing your "in this world" physical body ONLY. BUT, We are not just made of a physical body are we?? We are made of stuff we cannot see as well. And just because we cannot see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, it does and it needs nourishment.

God is within all of us people, whether you choose to believe it or not. So if you only get to know your physical body and choose to ignore the God within us, then you are making the choice to only fill your life's cup half full.


I make the choice to be FULL.


Period.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Led Zeppelin - Fool in the Rain

I absolutely love this song, I can listen to it over and over again. They just dont make music like this anymore. Love the classics! You know, a time when they actually used instruments and sounded wonderful LIVE. I miss hearing good live music and letting my ear wander to pick out each and every instrument. Now its electronic doo daads, I'm sure the electronic doo daads have their place, but geesh, lets not make every single song out now with the electronic doo daads. Seriously peeps!

In Through the Out Door






Thursday, June 27, 2013

My Babies

The pain experienced from the absence of my children is faaaaaaaaaaaaar more painful than any stress that children could produce when they are present. My two older children are on the west coast right now having a ton of fun and Im super happy that they are being able to experience what they are experiencing, however, I MISS THEM BUNCHES!!! MWAH MISS YOUUUUUU!!!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

My Audience

One of the coolest things on blogger that I enjoy soooo soo very much is the Audience stats. Shows me where my readers are, and Im sure some are bots as well, Im ok with that. However, if they are not bots I felt the urge to say Hello to everybody so
Hello of course to my United States readers xoxoxo
привет Privet to Russia!!
Hallo to Netherlands!!
G'day to Australia!!
Hello or Bonjour to Canada!!

Feel free to contact me anytime! ;)

"Be anxious for nothing"

Novemeber 2016, right around my birthday I found out that I qualified for my first car loan. The cutest little Honda Civic. I LOVE my little...